


Jackets

by Lapras



Category: EDM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 16:08:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapras/pseuds/Lapras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before Things Stopped Making Sense

The boy clutched at the railing, knuckles turning white. His first time on a train. He was really too small for it, but with money, even a child can get a ride. No one paid him any mind, the small boy swallowed by his own jacket, staring out the window. He was watching the city as it slipped quietly away from him. He’d always known it was big, but he’d never grasped how tall, how wide, how _alive_ it was.

That was the day he learned to respect machines.

He was so absorbed, he didn’t notice the man sit beside him. Slowly the boy turned to assess his new companion. It was a man, probably old enough to be his father. He had long straight hair that looked almost golden in the light of the train. His coat too was big and quilted. He looked so comfortable sitting there. The clouds outside were getting darker.

The man was smiling, looking straight ahead.

The boy turned back to the window. The sky was closing up, choked with clouds and darkness. A knifepoint of lightning sliced into the city, absorbed by one of the towers of steel that stood throughout.

Thunder rumbled through the boy’s chest not soon after.

The man sitting next to him closed his eyes and took a measured breath in, and out. Like one of the volunteers at the home about to scold him for getting into a fight. As if it were his fault that the others picked on him.

Then, the rain began. Without warning, without mercy. Sheets of rain fell heavily onto the train, sliding across the windows, completely obscuring his view. The boy leaned away, as if he might get soaked just by sitting close to the window.

“How…?” he whispered the word aloud. He’d never seen this happen. The city disappeared into the darkness of the storm and soon all he could see was his own reflection. And the man beside him.

He was shaking his head. “Playing cards again…”

The boy was staring at him. “Is that what this is called?”

The man turned to look at him, smiling again. It seemed to take him a minute to realize he was being spoken to. He smiled fondly, but it faded into a curious kind of stare as the two of them studied one another.

“Are you speaking to me?” the man asked the boy, pointing to his chest.

The boy nodded. “Is that what this is called? Playing cards?” His voice was small but pointed. Some of the other passengers on the train gave him strange looks.

The man looked fascinated. “No, I’m sorry, I meant my brothers. They’re playing cards again. You can see me?”

The boy nodded.

He looked around. “And where are your parents?”

The boy looked at his feet.

“Ah,” the man frowned. “I’m sorry. But you shouldn’t be here.”

The boy shrugged. “I don’t like living in the home. I want to go somewhere else.”

The man leaned down so he was closer to the boy’s face. He was quite tall, so he had to really _lean_. The boy straightened up just a little, to meet him.

“I’ll tell you something,” he said. “The rain. It’s not normal rain. Do you believe in myths? Fairy tales? Any of that?”

The boy pulled his knees up to his chest and shook his head. “It’s stupid.”

The man smiled. “So you’re a cynic. You’ve had a tough life I guess. Not my place to judge. But I’ll let you in on a little secret. There’s a man in the city. He actually controls the weather.”

“The lighthouse monster?” the boy asked, eyebrows raised. “That’s just a scary story the older kids tell to freak us out. He’s not real. You’re a grown up, you should know that.”

The man actually laughed. “Be that as it may, I’m afraid I can’t let you leave the city. You’re not old enough,” the man added upon seeing the boy’s expression. “I know you want to leave, but you’re supposed to stay. You’re safe in the city.”

The boy sank lower into the seat. “That’s always what they say. I’m not old enough. When am I going to be old enough?”

He looked into the man’s face and it almost shattered his smile. But then he reached up and pulled on the cord to request a stop. The train slowed and the boy and the man got out. The air was still thick with rain. They jogged to the overhang on the platform and watched the train roll away. The wind slipped through the boy’s coat. He reached for the man’s hand.

“You’re funny,” he said. “Grown ups don’t usually believe in legends.”

The man nodded. “You’re right about that. Hey what’s your name?”

“I’m not supposed to tell strangers my name,” he said. “What’s _your_ name?”

“I have a lot of names,” he said back. “But what with you being so smart, you probably don’t believe me.”

The boy nodded. “Mhm.”

The man laughed again. When the next incoming train came around, the man walked with the boy to the entrance, but didn’t get on. He knelt down and pulled the boy’s coat tighter around him.

“Promise me you’ll go back to the home.”

The boy gave him a piercing stare. “Maybe you could just be my dad. Then I wouldn’t have to go back.”

Those words had a strange affect on the man, like he was happy and sad at the same time.

“I’m Sebastian,” the boy said in a last ditch effort to get the man to say yes. He liked him, despite his weirdness.

The man gave him a heartbroken smile. “I’m flattered, Sebastian. But I need you to promise me you’ll return home. There are people there who need you.”

Sebastian sighed and looked at the ground. “I promise.”

The man stood up and put his hand on Sebastian’s head, mussing up his hair. Sebastian tried to swat him away and he laughed, pushing Sebastian gently towards the train. Sebastian got onto the nearest window seat and pressed his face to the glass. The man stood there on the platform. The rain was already subsiding, but the man was dry. He waved at Sebastian. The train pulled away. Sebastian put his hands on the glass, trying to see the man but he was out of sight.


	2. Under The Ice

He let the syren lead him. He was terribly curious what it would show him. He wanted to know what he wanted. Maybe then the cold would ease up. He had grown so bored, so restless, in the past couple of days, and he had no idea why. There was a feeling overwhelming his mind, but he had lost the name for it ages ago.

His senses hadn’t been right either. He hated to admit it, but something seemed to be broken.

The syren brought him to his private elevator. The operator glanced at him and at the syren and said nothing.

“I’m trying something new, Oizo” the man said.

The syren showed two fingers to Oizo, and he pulled a lever. The elevator sank down and reopened. If Oizo was worried, he did a good job of hiding it. The syren took the man through the winding halls of the 2nd layer until it found a room it liked, and then it opened the door for him. He knew the routine of the peep show, of course. But he had never gone through it himself.

“Something new,” he said as the door closed on him and he was left in the dark, closet sized space. He sat on the bench meant for humans and waited for the show.

The wall that the bench faced was glass, but completely opaque. The room was silent, impossibly so. But the room wasn’t designed for him, and he could still perceive the outside world, in his way. The rain was still falling, and the thunder and lightning raged. The ocean was probably a mess.

The glass wall was fading back to clear. Light slowly bled through, allowing his eyes to adjust. On the other side, a syren stood in a black room, lit by strips of white light. But it had changed its appearance, as was its job. It was meant to show you the person you wanted to see the most. Sometimes it was driven by desire, other times humans saw those who had died. Sometimes it showed you the person you hated the most, so you could say whatever you wanted to them without fear.

In the room, there stood someone he had never seen before. The person wore a hefty double-breasted coat with a high collar that covered the bottom of the syren’s screen. It struggled to display the face. The screen was glitching badly now. Static turned the image fuzzy and solid bars of black appeared and disappeared at random, but the colors were strangely amplified. 

The man stood, to try and get a better look. He caught a glimpse of inhumanly blue eyes staring back at him, before the whole program malfunctioned. The illusion of the coat began to shatter and the syren’s natural state began to bleed through. Its uniform, the black pants and bare chest and black sleeves attached to the collar, blended temporarily with the double breasted coat until all guises faded and the syren stood there, screen sparking.

A door in the back of the black room opened and another syren appeared, dragging the malfunctioning one away.

The man sank onto the bench again, the cool tile only reminding him how cold this body was. He wondered if humans ever felt this cold. Probably not. Humans always seemed to come in pairs.

That was a luxury he could never afford.

The coat he’d seen looked warm though. Whoever wore it must be someone who knew the cold. Maybe they felt the same things he did. Maybe they could fix the man.

He shook his head. He was broken beyond repair, he knew that. And yet, sometimes he still thought about it. About having another. What would it be like not to feel this ice?

The answer was, of course, unimaginable.


	3. Where to Begin

A recurring nightmare.

Faceless giants with bony hands stalk through the city. Sebastian watches them from the roof of his building. Slowly but surely they are destroying the city.

He remembered that dream every time they walked through the city.

It had just rained, and people still had their hoods and umbrellas poised in case it began again. The weather was rather spirited inside the city, or that’s what the people said, to explain away the lack of patterns.

The two following behind kept their eyes on Sebastian’s back. He had a tendency to wander.

“Sebastian,” the shorter one called as the distance between them grew.

Sebastian turned to them and stopped walking. “Sorry,” he said. “You guys are too slow.”

“No, you just need to calm down for once,” Xavier grabbed his arm, forcing Sebastian to keep pace with them. “See look. This is how normal people walk.”

“Its nice, isn’t it? Walking…” Gaspard said and smiled at him.

Sebastian allowed half a smile to cross his lips. “Yeah, real nice. Because we haven’t seen this a million times.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Xavier said. “In fact, as I recall, no one invited you. You just came. Like you always do.”

Gaspard reached over Xavier’s head to touched Sebastian’s. “Not that we mind. You’re always invited.”

Xavier cracked a smile. “Besides, we all know why you came anyway.”

“Shut up,” Sebastian’s face went deadpan.

“You just want to stare at that building. What even is it? A nightclub or something stupid,” Xavier waved his hand through the air. “It looks fucking shady.”

Sebastian let his breath out slowly. This conversation never ceased to annoy him. “I don’t know, I just like the look of it I guess.” He wasn’t about to tell them that he just wanted a distraction.

“All I’m saying,” Xavier went on. “Is that a place that’s just as loud at midnight as it is at noon is weird. It’s so loud. And there are always people there. What are they waiting for?”

Gaspard shrugged. “Maybe they’re there for a show.”

Xavier laughed. “I hope it’s just some guy juggling.”

Even Sebastian had to smile at that. “Someone reciting spoken word poetry. It’s where all the secret pretentious people gather.”

“Oh that’s why you like it so much,” Xavier said.

“Hey now,” Gaspard said. “Sebastian isn’t pretentious. He’s just…”

After a pause, they both finished the sentence together. “Just Sebastian.”

Sebastian shook his head. “And you guys have a hive mind. It freaks me out sometimes.”

They came to an intersection and stopped. The bookstore they had come for was in sight. Above them, a train rushed by. Sebastian could see some kids pressing themselves to the glass. If you really looked, you could see the Pyramid from there.

“Sebastian,” Xavier’s voice grounded him back in reality and he joined them as they walked across the street.

The sun had crept below the skyline. Everything was slowly giving way to the street lamps, which glowed orange in this part of the city. Sebastian pulled his coat tighter. They were only a couple blocks from home. It made him itch to get farther away.

The three of them entered a bookstore. Xavier immediately went off to grab the book he’d been wanting. Gaspard and Sebastian got in line for drinks. Sebastian’s gaze was on the window, at the mass of people hurrying to the train station across the way. There was someone standing among the crowd, not walking with them, just standing there. Staring. At him.

“Do you see her?” Sebastian asked Gaspard, directing his gaze towards the woman he’d spotted.

“Who?” Gaspard asked.

Sebastian pointed. “There’s a woman. Long blond hair. Blue coat. She’s just standing there.”

“Sorry,” Gaspard shook his head. “I think you’re having another episode.”

Sebastian sighed. “Shit.”

“It’s been getting worse, hasn’t it?” Gaspard said quietly.

Sebastian didn’t want to think about it, but he nodded. “I see them all the time.”

Gaspard frowned, concern etched into his face. “Maybe…its time to see someone.”

Sebastian shook his head, speaking quietly. “I’ll be fine. At least I know they’re hallucinations. I’m not delusional.”

Gaspard put his arm around Sebastian. “I worry about you.”

“I know,” Sebastian said. Then after a moment, “I’m sorry. I wish you wouldn’t.”

Gaspard laughed. “Not worrying about you? I’d have nothing left to do.”

“Please,” Sebastian smiled. “You and Xavier would do fine without me. You’re all you guys need.”

Gaspard looked out the window again, hoping against hope that for once his friend wasn’t imagining things. But all he saw was a rush of people, and no blond women in blue coats.

Sebastian was trying to avoid her gaze. Of all his hallucinations, only one had ever spoken to him, years and years ago. They never seemed to acknowledge his existence, which he was more than happy with. But this one was different. He could feel her staring at him.

Gaspard ordered coffee for himself and Xavier and then sat down. Sebastian watched him doctor up their drinks. He knew what Xavier wanted even if Xavier didn’t.

“Are you feeling okay otherwise?” Gaspard asked. “Not dizzy or disoriented?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I guess. It’s not like I’m sick.”

“No, you never get sick,” Gaspard said. “But you get…weird.”

Sebastian smiled. “That’s one way to put it.”

Night terrors, sleepwalking and hallucinations certainly weren’t normal.

“Do you want to go to the Pyramid after this?” Gaspard asked. “Maybe you can ask for help.”

Sebastian didn’t care either way, but he knew Gaspard liked to go. It would make _him_ feel better, and when Gaspard was happy, things were easier.

“Yeah sure,” she said.

Xavier returned shortly, empty-handed. “They didn’t have it.”

Gaspard passed him a drink. “We’re going to the Pyramid. Seb’s not feeling great.”

Xavier narrowed his eyes. “Who is it this time?”

“Someone new,” Sebastian said. “A woman with long blond hair.”

“You’ve seen the blond one before, I remember,” Xavier said. “In the park.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, that one had short hair. Trust me, this one was different. She was looking at me.”

“Do you think he should ask for help?” Gaspard asked.

Xavier shook his head. “If he says he’s fine, he’s fine.” He took a drink. “You want to go to the Pyramid, let’s go. It’ll get crowded if we wait any longer.”

As soon as they stood, someone took their table. Outside, it was fully dark, and the whole street was illuminated by the retro lampposts the hung from buildings. They were meant to look like lanterns with flames, and the bulbs even changed brightness, as if it were flickering.

Fog swirled around their feet. The rush of people getting off work had temporarily dulled. They made their way across the street towards the train station. Sebastian never minded the train. He enjoyed the view of the city from higher up. On the lift, Xavier and Gaspard automatically linked their arms, as if afraid the elevator would separate them. Sebastian noticed how often they did that, making sure the other was there. They’d always been like that. And they both looked after him, in a way. They were the closest things he could claim as guardians.

From the top of the lift, Sebastian could almost see the coast. The fog was thick though and seemed to be swallowing buildings whole. But there was a faint light glowing from within it—the lighthouse.

“Hey,” Xavier stepped next to him. “Think we can see the home?”

Sebastian shook his head. “Naw, it’s too far.” He pointed towards one of the taller apartment buildings. “It’d be back there, right?”

“No,” Xavier pushed his arm to the right. “Over there.”

Sebastian nodded and put his hands in his pockets. “Right.”

Xavier knocked on his head. “Get it together. You’re more of a basket case than normal. Gaspard’s worried.”

“I know he is,” Sebastian sighed. “The weather’s been weird too. Maybe the pressure is messing with my head.”

“Hope so,” Xavier said. “That’s an easy fix.” The train approached, quietly rushing towards them. “Come on.”

Gaspard got on first and showed his ID to the conductor who let him on for free. Working at the library meant he got free rides. Xavier and Sebastian had to pay the fare. They took a booth and Sebastian turned towards the window.

“Do you think they’ll start decorating soon?” Gaspard asked.

“Probably,” Xavier put his feet on the space next to Sebastian. “This city loves a holiday.”

“I’m excited,” Gaspard said. “I like when everyone gets into festivities.”

“Everyone except Xavier,” Sebastian said. He was still staring out the window. They were leaving their district and entering the center of the city. The lamps changed from orange to blue. The buildings were slightly less cramped and more streamlined. Clean and straight lines. The train hit a curve and began winding closer to the Pyramid. If it weren’t for the lamps, you wouldn’t be able to see it. It’s black walls jutted up towards the sky. The tip was about level with the train.

They got off at the south end of the plaza. Some people milled around the edges, going in and out of the shops. The Pyramid itself sat in the very center, with a ring of empty space around it. The blue grey stone had etchings in it, of other patron saints. Gaspard was careful not to step on them.  

“Do you have anything to offer?” Xavier whispered to Sebastian as they approached the entrance. “I never remember…”

Sebastian sighed and reached into his pocket for a spare coin. “Greedy…” he muttered as he gave it to Xavier.

Gaspard walked ahead of them. As he passed by a lamp, the blue light clung to his grey coat. It was weathered, having seen quite a few seasons. He took his hands out of his pockets, one of them closed around the coins Sebastian knew were there. This place always made him quiet.

The Pyramid was intimidating to say the least. Sebastian felt so small coming here, like he was a little kid again. They entered the waiting room. When it was slow like this, the three of them would be allowed to go in alone. But at the peak hours, they allowed ten people in at the same time. That was always what it had been like when he’d come with the rest of the kids from the home.

The person by the doors smiled and nodded at them.

“Welcome,” he said as he pulled on the great black handles. When they stepped in, the air felt warmer. The door shut behind them and the silence was oppressive. Gaspard dipped his hands in the bowl of water that stood in front of them. Xavier, did the same, and they both walked into the room. Sebastian hung back.

He took in the space. The mural directly across from him. The two statues on either side of the room, facing each other. The pillars that reached to the top of the pyramid. And the small canals of water that ran through the floor like veins.

It was dark in there, lit only by a fixture that hung in the center of the room, emitting slightly blue tinged light, like the moon. Gaspard knelt by the statue to the left, Xavier standing behind him. Gaspard knew all the rules and traditions--who you were meant to see first depending on the time of day, what to give them, that kind of stuff. He placed a silver coin in the pool at the statue’s feet. Sebastian was pretty sure that one was Guy-Manuel. The statue’s head, concealed by a helmet, was tilted down, with its hands behind its back. Sebastian was always struck by how sad it looked.

The other, Thomas, was looking up to the sky, hands at his sides, like he just couldn’t look away from something.

As Gaspard and Xavier crossed the room, Sebastian approached the mural at the back. All the rivulets of water led to a large pool at the base of the wall. It was coated with silver and gold coins. Sebastian dropped his in, staring at the depictions. The two of them were there, Guy-Manuel and Thomas. They stood back to back in a wash of light. It was meant to represent something about the creation of the universe. He could never remember all the stories.

As he looked at the pictures, he noticed the three figures behind Thomas and Guy-Manuel. There was one blue, one red, and one yellow. He remembered them. The three sons left behind to serve the human world. Sebastian knew he was staring. His brain seemed to slow down. The red one has drawn his eye and he felt dazed, unable to look away.

When Xavier touched his shoulder, he startled.

“You okay?” Xavier asked.

Sebastian nodded. “Can we get out of here?”

He tossed his coin into the pool and nodded. “Yeah…”

When they stepped outside, Sebastian took a deep breath. “That place makes me claustrophobic.”

“Maybe it means they were watching you,” Gaspard said. “Could be a good thing.”

Sebastian leaned on Xavier. “Whatever you say.”

They slowly wound their way back to the train. Sebastian felt drained. He wound up with his head on Gaspard’s shoulder, eyes heavy, as the train headed home. He was glad to be leaving that ghostly place behind.


	4. Circuits Exposed

A young woman walked quickly and quietly through the streets, hands in her pockets. It was cold out here, away from home. It always was.

She passed by people, but they mostly escaped her notice. She was on a mission that night. The lighthouse was a long walk, and she hated the train. Being disconnected from the earth made her itch. Besides, walking gave her time to think. Time to freeze. She tried to breathe warmth into her gloved hands, but it was useless.

When she finally made it to the pier, the lighthouse had been nearly consumed by the fog. But she could hear the crash of waves against its walls. An active ocean was never a good sign.

She set down the boardwalk, searching for the right path. It was harder to spot in the fog, but there was always a way to tell which was his. It was the broken lamppost, sickly green light washing over the old boards. The sea roiled underneath her, trying to ward her away. She didn’t look down, but kept her eyes on the window of the lighthouse. On the shadow moving behind it.

The walkway to his lighthouse was broken and dangerous for any normal person. But she crossed it with ease, and the ocean only grew more disturbed. When she reached the door, she knocked loudly. There was no way he didn’t know she was there. She knew he heard everything in and around the lighthouse. So there was no need to raise her voice.

“Joel. It’s me.”

The door clicked and opened and she stepped inside. It was warmer in here, but not by much. She kept the coat on, taking the spiral stairs two at a time. Her steps felt loud and intrusive even to her. When she neared the top, she slowed, calling softly.

“Joel…”

He sat at his worktable, tinkering with something. A cylindrical piece of circuitry that sparked at uneven intervals. He lowered a gloved hand towards it, the tip of one finger unraveling to reveal thin tubes of metal protruding from the skin.

She stood awkwardly at the edge of the room. “Did something break?”

Joel continued working, the sound of soldering filling the room. It was almost soothing. After a minute he finally looked at her. Even after all these years, it was still unsettling at first to see the helmet. The wide smile and the empty eyes stared at her. He reached down and lifted his pant leg. There was a chunk of his calf missing, wires hanging uselessly from his skin, circuits exposed along the bone. She smiled, realizing she was among the few he would ever show that too.

“Joel…do you know what day it is?”

Joel turned away from her, the great ears of the mask acting like a wall. She thought for a minute that he was choosing to ignore her. But then he waved his hand through the air. She recognized the gesture. Water was gathering from the edges of the room, collecting into a pool. It bubbled up and then rose from the floor, taking the shape of a human.

It struck her that the person he chose to create always looked happy.

Joel gestured to the worktable. The being’s movements were a little delayed, like the water couldn’t quite support the shape. But he picked up the tray that the piece of Joel’s leg was on and he carried it away, leaving a small trail of water as he went.

“Ma’am,” he said, giving her a transparent smile.

She smiled at him fondly. “Sonny…”

When he was out of the room, Joel stood and faced her head on.

“Joel the deal expires tonight.”

His head tilted down just a hair.

She took a few steps towards him. “What do you think will happen?”

His shoulders gave an imperceptible shrug, and then he lifted his head back to up hers. Even though she couldn’t see his eyes, she always seemed to know when he was looking at her. The mouth of the mask was a very fine mesh and sometimes she could even see the shape of his jaw through it.

“Maybe…I can buy him more time.”

Joel’s posture went ridged.

“I probably have something left to bargain with. I mean, that’s what they do, they make bargains.”

The thought of it scared her. Of what could happen. Of what it meant for all of them. She shuddered to think.

“Maybe I could just offer myself. That has to be equal. More than! I have more to give.”

Joel put a hand on her shoulder. Her breath caught.

“He doesn’t know,” she said quietly. She touched her mouth, looking out the window at the sea trying to claw its way over the lighthouse. She hadn’t noticed before, how intense it had gotten since she’d been there. It looked as if it was tearing itself apart.

She looked back at Joel. Then she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Isn’t there something we can do?”

Joel put his arms lightly around her, and she knew the answer was no.


	5. Nature of the Deal

Sebastian collapsed into bed that night, almost immediately falling asleep.

He fell into a nightmare. Beasts were chasing him through the city. But he was young again, and he couldn’t run fast enough. He tried to hide from them in an alleyway, feeling sick with fear. But they found him and he tried to run again, to no avail. One caught him by the leg, a giant silver wolf. It’s teeth shredded his skin as it dragged him down the street.

He screamed for help, voice tearing into the silence, and a man appeared. Everything stopped. But when Sebastian tried to speak to him, he realized the man’s face was nothing but bone and the remnants of skin. He was not there to help, but to finish the job. The man knelt down and grabbed Sebastian by the throat, his bones cold to the touch. When he breathed, steamed rolled out of his open mouth and the patches of skin curled as if it were smiling. The skeletal grip tightened. Sebastian tried to scream again.

Then he woke up, desperately touching his own throat and leg, to make sure he was still in one piece. Adrenaline pumped through him and he knew he didn’t want to sleep again. So he got out of bed. Throwing on his clothes and a coat, he knew without thinking where he was going. He hadn’t been there in over a week. He’d been trying not to go. Trying to convince himself that he was over it. But it seemed to haunt him.

He opened the door to his room quietly. Both Gaspard and Xavier’s doors were shut and no one was in the living room or kitchen. He quickly left the apartment, locking the door behind him.

Their apartment building wasn’t far and he didn’t feel like paying for the train. Besides, he needed the fresh air.

Or at least that’s what he thought, before the chill of the night set in. He was always cold. He began buttoning every button on his coat, pulling it as tight as it would go, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. He still walked on. He was drawn there.

The place was still in the livable part of the city, but just close enough to the rough part that it made it seem more dangerous. Per usual there was a line of people waiting outside. They came in all shapes and sizes, but they were all dressed fairly nice. And they all looked nervous. More than once, Sebastian had entertained the notion of going inside. But something stopped him every time.

Now he stood about a block away, staring at the front of the building. It was mostly black, with the numbers 1986 glowing red above the door. White lights lined the front, and a strip of lighting cut across the middle of it, leading you to the door. There was also lighting inlaid into the curb in front of the place. It was all very sleek, and yet very ghostly.

The line of people chattered nervously. Sebastian waited with them, leaning against a building at the mouth of an alleyway.

When the door opened, he held his breath. But it was just a group of people exiting the place. They clung to each other, looking dazed and maybe a little sick, but they all had a similar expression on their faces. Something like fascination.

The doors opened again. Sebastian covered his mouth, breathing into his palm. It was him. He assumed he was the owner. He walked like a man with too much power. His hands were in his jacket pockets as usual. It was a nice jacket. Thick, with leather sleeves and a fabric body. It looked warm. And then there were his sunglasses. He almost always wore sunglasses, despite the fact that he came out at night a lot. It was almost silly. But then it wasn’t.

Sebastian inched into the alley as the man approached the line of people. He knew he would never be seen from there. It was a ridiculous fear to have, but he couldn’t stand the thought of being seen by that man. He didn’t know why. He watched from afar as the man went down the line of people, picking the ones who were allowed inside that night.

The man studied the crowd intently. A shorter guy in a sharp black suit followed close behind. But he had a mask covering his face. These people seemed to have an aversion to eye contact. Sebastian watched the man choose a hopeful looking girl in a strappy black dress. The man in the mask helped her out of line and into the building. Next, the man chose a guy in a boring suit who looked relieved to get inside. There seemed to be no pattern.

Sebastian tried to deny the jealousy in his gut. He just wanted to know what was in there. He wanted to know why he was driven here in the middle of the night, more than once, to watch this strange process.

“Sebastian.”

He jumped at the sound of his name and turned towards the alley. It was her. The woman from before. The hallucination. She was actually talking to him.

Sebastian stared openly. “You’re not real.”

“Rude,” she said with a smile. Her hair was brilliantly blond and seemed to give off its own light. It hung down over her shoulder, across the front of her blue coat. The coat seemed to wrap around her body like a flower pedal. Her black boots disappeared under the edge of it.

Sebastian tried to back away, but he hit a wall. No, not a wall. Two men in long black coats. They grabbed his shoulders and arms and forced him back into the alley.

“What the hell?” he breathed, afraid someone might hear him and see him speaking to no one. “You _are_ a hallucination, right?” the cold air stung his throat as he took deep breaths.

The woman frowned. “Come now, we’ve only just met and you’ve already started with the insults. You don’t see me accusing you of being a hologram just because I don’t see you around much.”

“But you do,” Sebastian said. “You’ve been watching me.”

“Only for a bit,” she said, glancing at the wall of the alley. “Couldn’t see you before yesterday. All part of the deal, which doesn’t matter much now.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” It was an effort to keep his voice a whisper. He struggled against the men who held him but their grip was iron tight.

The woman smiled again. “I come bearing good news. Or maybe not so good news. Not really my call to make.”

“Get to the point,” he spoke through gritted teeth.

She walked up to him and pulled out a small gold pocket watch. When she flicked the lid open, the face did not have normal markings of one through twelve. It just had several black lines and a single hand like a stop watch. The hand was nearly at the top. The letters S.A. were engraved in the center. His initials.

“I hereby release you from this deal,” she said very officially. The hand reached the top of the circle and then his initials faded away, leaving a smooth white surface behind. The two men let him go and he stumbled forward.

“Woo, tough job,” she said and wiped her forehead.

“What?” was all Sebastian could say.

She smiled and pocketed the watch again. “You’re free. I would watch out, if I were you. Those… _hallucinations_ might not be so passive anymore.”

The two men came to her side. They both wore sunglasses with single shades and their faces had no expressions on them. They stood like towers by her side.

“If you find things are getting tough,” she said. “We can always cut you a deal. Just send a quick prayer to Nero and we’ll be there. Believe it or not, we’re here to help.”

“You’re not being very helpful,” he said, glaring at them.

She shrugged and showed him her empty palms. “Sorry, love. That’s the nature of the deal. Can’t talk about it. Besides, you were just the secondary. Not terribly important. You didn’t make the sacrifice. But now you have been released from our protection and you are allowed to choose your own path from here on out. Feel free to celebrate.”

“I don’t understand,” he tried to say. “Am I dreaming?”

She smiled and shook her head. “They’re always so clueless.” The two men took the woman’s arms and their figures melted into shadows. It happened quickly. One second they were there, the next their bodies and clothes had gone utterly black and then they had faded from view entirely.

Sebastian touched his chest. His heart was pounding. He wanted nothing more than to be home in bed. This trip was a bad idea. This place did things to his brain. He peeked out of the alley, and the man was gone. So Sebastian quickly began the walk home. The whole time he kept expecting the beasts from his dreams to start chasing him, or worse, the skeletal man to appear. But nothing happened, except him running out of breath from jogging all the way back.

When he got back to his room, he wound up lying in bed, staring at the wall until the sun came up.

Trying and failing to understand what had just happened.


	6. Given Names

He didn’t speak about what had happened to Gaspard and Xavier. It was too much. Gaspard would worry and Xavier would force him to see a specialist. That was the last thing he wanted. Pills to dull his brain without actually stopping the visions.

The next day he left himself barely enough time to get out the door and onto the subtrain. The above ground rails didn’t go to the southern part of the city, so he had to take the subtrain, and the station was farther from their house. The rain was heavy, and unyielding.

He sat by himself on the train, watching the tunnels fly by. The cars were organized so that against the left wall were seats that face into the car, and against the right wall, the seats faced front. There was a man on the left, facing Sebastian. He wasn’t staring at him, but he kept glancing. He looked fairly normal, but Sebastian kept his gaze firmly on the back of the seat in front of him. Today was not the day he was going to engage strangers he met on the train.

The guy had other plans. He leaned forward. “Hey.”

Sebastian pretended not to hear.

“Hey, mate,” the guy said and snapped his fingers.

Sebastian made a show of turning his head towards him.

The guy smiled, and his lips stretched a little too wide.

“Do you have any food?” the guy asked.

Sebastian shook his head, his heart beginning to speed.

“Are you sure?” the guy asked again. He was still smiling, and he hadn’t blinked once. His lips were discolored. Kind of green. “I’m so hungry.”

“Try someone else,” Sebastian said, looking away.

The guy stood up, gripping the railing in the aisle. He was grinning at Sebastian now, and his teeth looked jagged, like they didn’t fit in his mouth. His skin seemed like it was splitting, stretching wider across his whole face until it was nearly ear-to-ear. Like the Cheshire cat.

“I just need someone to feed me,” the guy said but his voice was all wrong and Sebastian realized he was empty in the car, and there were claws coming out of the man’s finger tips.

Sebastian pulled hard on the request-stop-chord. “I’m dreaming.”

The man gripped the backs of the seats around Sebastian, eyes narrowed to slits. “Not anymore.”

Sebastian didn’t even care. He jumped to his feet, hurdling over the seats in front of him to get to the door. The train was coming to a painfully slow stop. The man was advancing towards him, eyes burning orange. Sebastian was yanking on the chord with no results.

“Feed me,” the guy said. “It’s been so long since a human saw me.”

The station was in view. The train squealed as it finally came to a stop. The doors opened and Sebastian nearly smacked right into a woman waiting for the train. But the woman stepped up, looked right at the freak with the Cheshire smile and pinched his ear.

“Stay away from him,” she said and shoved him back onto the train. “Greedy little monster.”

A couple people entered the car. They walked right by the man and his torn smile without batting an eye. Sebastian’s mood sank like a stone. Another hallucination.

The woman turned to him. “Are you okay? Stupid things don’t know when to quit.”

He stared at her, and then looked around the station. There were still other people milling around. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you a hallucination too?”

She gave him a sad smile. “No. Why would you think that?”

He looked back at the train. “What is that thing? Shouldn’t we help the people on the train?”

She sighed. “I’m afraid he can’t be killed, if that’s what you mean. Little critters like him are all over the city. Don’t worry, the people don’t feel anything. He just feeds on their greed. Can’t be helped.”

“You’re…joking right?” Sebastian said.

“I wish I was,” she said quietly to the ground. “Listen, do you have a minute? I need to speak with you. It’s very important.”

The woman’s voice sounded as though she might cry at any moment. She looked oddly happy to see him. Sebastian stared at her for a moment and then it clicked. He had seen her before. In the park. She had definitely been a hallucination of his. He’d even described her to Xavier and Gaspard.

“I’ve seen you,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re not real. I’ve seen people walk right by you, nearly _through_ you. This isn’t happening. I’m going fucking nuts.”

He slid his hands through his hair and closed his eyes, trying to will the vision away. But the woman was still there when he looked again. She looked devastated.

“You could see us this whole time?” she asked quietly.

“If by ‘us’ you mean the products of my imagination, then yes,” Sebastian answered. Then he pulled on his own hair. “What am I doing? I’m talking to it again. I have to get out of here.”

He turned away from her, desperately seeking the street, and fresh air. But he could hear the woman coming after him.

“Wait!” she called.

He climbed the stairs, taking them two at time. He put his hand over his heart, feeling the erratic beating. This was bad, very bad. He probably wasn’t going to make it to work. He sighed. He shouldn’t care at all about work, he was having a full on mental collapse in a bad neighborhood with no one available to help him. And it was still pouring rain. Lightning flashed across the sky.

“Sebastian,” the woman spoke his name with force, and with familiarity. It caught him off guard.

He turned to look at her again. She was small, with short blond hair. Her coat had a big round collar that almost looked a scarf. It hung flatteringly over her small body. She looked very frail and small compared to the city.

“How does everyone know my name?” he asked.

She smiled. “I gave it to you.”

His eyes went wide. “You are _not_ old enough to me my mother.”

She shook her head. “Please, let me explain.”

“Look, the last time a blond woman had to talk to me, I think she fucked with my brain, so forgive me, but I should really go lay down.”

“Alana came to see you?” she ventured.

Sebastian nodded, wary.

“I know Alana,” the woman said. “Please, I know why she saw you. She had to tell you about…”

Her mouth kept moving, but her voice was gone. She touched her throat gingerly, and then rolled her eyes.

“I can’t talk about deals,” she said. “Right. That makes this difficult.”

“Look, you seem very nice,” Sebastian said, backing away from her. “But I’ve had a rough night _and_ morning and so I’m just going to go.”

“You’re not crazy,” she called. “I’m not a hallucination. None of us are. Everything you’ve seen is real. It’s just…only you can see it.”

He clapped his hands together. “Yes, because that’s evident and logical. Leaving.”

She took a few steps forward. “Would you rather be insane? Or maybe something a little different? Please, just hear me out. Listening to me won’t hurt you.”

Sebastian didn’t say anything.

“I’ll walk you back,” she said. She reached under her coat and detached an umbrella from her hip, offering it to him. “Please.” Then she covered her mouth. “I just want…to explain.”

The sadness in her eyes was painful. Sebastian may not have believed her story, but he believed that she was feeling something incredible in that moment.

“Okay,” he said.

She nodded and smiled and jogged over to him. She opened the umbrella over them, but she was shorter than, so he took it from her, holding it between them. He’d only made it about two stops from the station, so walking home wasn’t unreasonable. The woman appeared to be trying to come to grips with the situation. She kept looking at him too, studying his face and not blinking.

“This is weird,” Sebastian said.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just…I haven’t seen you in a very long time.”

“I saw you last week,” he said. “In the park. When I was having a mental episode.”

She shook her head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with you Sebastian. You’re perfect. It’s us. We’re the weird ones. Normal humans can’t see us.”

“Normal humans…” he said. “So I’m not normal then.”

“Not exactly.” She shook her head with a smile. “You really are perfect. Part of us and part of them.”

“And what exactly are you?” he asked.

She put her hands in her pockets. “Well I guess we’re all kinds of things. But me? I watch over the earth. And couples. They pray to me when they want children.”

Sebastian nodded. “Uh huh. So you’re an OBGYN with a green thumb?”

She shook her head, with a smile. “You’ve had a tough life, haven’t you?”

“That’s one way to put it,” he said. Sebastian was watching every corner, peering at all the people around them, cautious of everything that moved. But something about what she said struck a chord in him. Where had he heard that before?

“The humans think I’m a God,” she said. “But that’s not exactly correct.”

“God?” he said the word mockingly.

She nodded. “That’s what they would say. I just call myself Uffie.”

“Uffie.” He stared at her.

“It was the name given to me,” she said. “When I took on this role. Just like how I gave you your name when I created you.”

“You really think you’re my mother,” he said.

She smirked. “I know I look stunning, but I’ve had this body for a long time now, Sebastian. It’s much older than you. I promise.”

He took a breath. “And if one were to entertain the notion that I was created by you, how would that have worked?”

She smiled again, but this time it was so genuine it gave Sebastian goosebumps. “I have domain over growth. It applies to humans and to the earth. But I can’t have children. This body simply can’t do it. So…I put part of myself into the earth. That way I didn’t have to have you myself. But you were still mine.”

When she said those words, actual tears swelled in her eyes and there was something so god damned motherly about her, it scared Sebastian. She believed it, every word of it. But she was wrong, she had to be.

“If that were true, which it can’t be,” Sebastian said. “Why haven’t you tried to tell me this before?”

“I couldn’t see you, couldn’t even feel you until yesterday,” she said. “Before that you were invisible to me. To all of us.  But I can’t tell you why.“

“Oh that’s convenient,” he muttered.

“It’s because of Nero,” she went on. “People pray to them to make deals. And every deal comes with a price.”

“So the price was you couldn’t talk about the deal?” Sebastian asked.

She nodded. “Among other things. It was a hefty bargain.”

Sebastian stopped walking then. He pushed his hands through his hair and took a breath. “It would be so nice to believe you. It really would. But you must know that I can’t.”

She looked pained, but tried to hide it. “I just had to try to explain at least once. I wanted to prepare you. I know I can’t change your mind but…please there are places in the city that aren’t safe for you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m guessing the subtrain is one of them.”

“Not many of the others know what you are. They might try to hurt you. But Sebastian,” she seemed to like saying his name. She touched his arm, but he didn’t move away. Crazy or not, her presence was oddly comforting. “Promise me you won’t go inside 1986.”

“Oh you too.” His smile was tired and he rubbed his eyes. “What is that place anyway?”

“It’s dangerous and stupid and don’t go.” She implored him and he didn’t feel like fighting so he consented.

“Yeah, okay. I won’t go.”

“I’m serious, Sebastian,” she said. “You’re not safe there.”

“No offence, but I’m not really safe anywhere,” he said. “At least that place has heating.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m bothering you. I’m being selfish. I just wanted to spend a little time with you. It’s never enough. But you have a life. Just know that you can always come and see me. You know where to find me. Please be careful. Keep your friends close.”

He nodded, feeling guilty for being dismissive, than feeling ridiculous for pitying a hallucination.

She took a step back from him. “I know this must be a lot but…it was so good to see you. You’re so…grown up. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he found himself saying, though he didn’t know why. He didn’t want to see her upset.

“No it’s not,” she said and then tears finally slid from her eyes and she rushed over to him and hugged him. “I’m so sorry. I never should have left. I should have dealt with the consequences. I messed everything up for you.”

Sebastian was completely overwhelmed. But Uffie held on so tight and she was so small. He patted her back.

“Don’t cry,” he said.

Something was bubbling up in the back of his mind. A memory? He didn’t know. But a feeling. Being surrounded in someone’s arms, feeling their tears on his hands. He didn’t remember much from before the home. Sometimes those memories teased him. But this one was vivid. It was her scent. She smelled like honeydew. It was odd in the city for something to smell so natural. This woman smelled like honeydew, and so did the person in his memory.

When she finally pulled away, he felt dazed.

“Forgive me,” she said. “You want to leave, I know. Thank you for listening to me.”

He nodded, all he could bring himself to do. Then she turned and walked away. He listened to her footsteps fade. When he looked at the ground, he noticed tendrils of grass had pushed up through the brick in the sidewalk, and clung to his shoes. But as he watched, the life seemed to go right out of them, and they faded to brown, crumpling up on the brick.

She left her umbrella in his hand.


End file.
